"Not Me!" Monday returns

Stellan is home. MckMama is returning to her routine. And, her "Not Me" Monday blog carnival is back in full swing.

Coincidentally, our family lived for 5 weeks without one single solitary unplanned unwanted unintentional failed chaotic mishap, mistake, or misadventure. {grin!} And all of the such returned this past week just in time for the return of "Not Me"Monday. {grin!}

:: I DID NOT this week wash a soiled (with urine) pull-up amongst the wet linens and discovered said pull-up as I was switching the load of laundry from the washer and into the dryer and my hands, clothes, and face became covered in the sticky, ooey-gooey, crystalloid, jelly-like inner contents of a diaper.

:: I DID NOT this week find this

hidden in the "secret hideaway compartment" of the boys' table in our kitchen. Looks like those sneaky little rascals have had their stingy little hands in the candy bowl while Momma wasn't looking.

:: I HAVE NOT heard "You mean Mommy/(Daddy)!", "That's not fair!", "You not the teacher", "You not the boss of me!" at least 1,784 times this past week from Frank-o's new-found smarty-pants mouth.

:: We DID NOT recently find this

amidst the boiled crawfish strowed on the table for us to devour at a recent crawfish boil (a lesson a crawfish 101 is available if necessary for those who have no absolute clue what I am speaking of). And, I HAVE NOT saved this picture for 4+ weeks anxiously awaiting the return of "Not Me" Monday to post it.

For much more "Not Me" Monday fun visit my friend and future cruising buddy MckMama at My Charming Kids....

"Not Me!" Monday

I DID NOT tweet a Twitter message of "Love You" earlier this week. A message that was actually supposed to be a text message sent only to Daddy Buck and NOT to all of my 20+ Twitter followers. {oops!} The responses that ensued were great!







Frank-o DID NOT have lime green, booty-staining bowel movements on multiple occasions during the past week for no apparent reason other than to honor St. Patrick's Day.







I DID NOT at one point this past week truly believe that I could gather, mix, and create an entire four course meal from ingredients found on my kitchen floor. Nope! Not ME! I would never allow the state of my kitchen floor to get that awful! This week WAS NOT noticeably the week opposite that of when my houskeeper comes.



This blog carnival was created by MckMama and I participate weekly every Monday morning. However, I would imagine that MckMama's post may be delayed this morning because she has been in the Emergency Room all night with her baby, Stellan. His heart rate was too high and the doctors were desperately trying to get his rate to decrease. My prayers, as well as, many others are with them on this Monday morning.

"Not Me!" Monday

Nope! Not me! None of these occurrences really occurred in our family during the past week...

I DID NOT find myself filled with apprehension and anxiety one evening this week when Daddy Buck announced, at that very moment, that we were becoming a sippy cup-free house and proceeded to throw all of the prized sippy cups in the trash can. Turns out, that my feelings of apprehension and anxiety were warranted because the morning and bedtime routines for the following 2-3 days were filled with whining and moaning, a couple of tantrums and several recitings of, "that's not fair! I'm ready to be a grown-up so I can have my drink in the den"!














This IS NOT an actual text messaging conversation between Daddy Buck and I...






Me: tell me that I did not notice your coffee mug on the counter in the bathroom after I already reminded you of it once this morning



Daddy Buck: Not Me Friday







Me: lol...i have nothing left to say because that was really funny!







For more "Not Me!" Monday humor, visit here...

"Not Me!" Monday

If my "Not Me"s would have actually happened IRL this past week, the law could have gotten involved...thank goodness the following things didn't actually occur within our chaotic lives over the past week.

One evening last week as we played outdoors with our neighbors, we decided, as a group, to move from the front yard to the backyard chasing the sun for better play. With four adults, five children, and ridiculous mounds of toys...this was quite a feat. I DID NOT, five minutes later, enter the house and hear a low, muffled cry coming from the general vicinity of the garage door that leads to the front yard. I DID NOT then open that door to find my 2 year old sobbing and saying, "You lef me...You lock me out!". In other words, what I am trying to convey is that I DID NOT temporarily lose my two year old child as he was locked out of the house and in the front yard unsupervised with complete access to the street all alone. In all seriousness, I was horrified after this incident had occurred and must have held him for ten solid minutes, hugging and kissing his poor crying self.

I DID NOT completely ignore the bells and whistles of my car, for exactly 46 miles, alerting me to the fact that I was running low on gas. And, I most certainly DID NOT allow my gas gauge to read this......

After coming to the realization that I was running out of gas, I DID NOT panic because I had my children in the car and I felt the car begin to spittter/spatter/sputter as we coasted into the nearest gas station (E**ON) where I paid $0.10 more per gallon than I should have and I DID NOT even care. Thank goodness, it appears, that the computer on my vehicle is well calibrated.

I am certain that none of these ridiculous antics have ever happened to any of you....

For fun, check out MckMama's blog for more "Not Me!" Monday happenings...

"Not Me!" Monday

I allowed you all a break last week from your free therapy of indulging in the miscues of everyday life in our family. I will not deprive you this week, so with out further adue:

My boys most certainly DID NOT recover in classic textbook fashion from their ENT surgeries over a week ago. That would be way too ordinary, low-key, and uneventful and that IS NOT the way that we do things in this family. Do it bigger, do it better, do it longer and with many more complications...now that's our motto, 'round here.

I DO NOT find myself with double the amount of whites in the laundry department than is necessary because my little men boys think they are much more grown-up than they really are. My 2 and 3 year old boys DO NOT insist upon wearing white undershirts daily just like their dad; as well as, applying deodorant and "smell good" (aftershave) daily. They idolize their dad :) {sweet!}

To further encourage the imitation and idolization, Daddy Buck DID NOT purchase, for each of them, "croakies" for their sunglasses - same brand, same color as his.

They WERE NOT so excited that they insisted on wearing their "sunglass hangy-neck-thing" from sun up ... to sun down ... inside where there's no sun ... and outside where the sun finally shined for the remainder of their 7-day recovery period at home.

Daddy Buck and I DID NOT ponder the thought of tossing the kids in our bed with us at 6:45pm and closing our eyes for the night because we were so beat from our Mardi Gras mambo in New Orleans. We didn't. However, I am about to shut down this computer, turn off all the lights, kiss my boys and hit the sack. It is now 8:29pm.

"Not Me!" Monday

I DID NOT, earlier this week, en route to work in early morning traffic, fly past a parked police officer and swallow a huge lump in my throat as I glanced in the rear view mirror to see if he was pulling out after me. Just before glancing in the rear view mirror, I DID NOT toss my cell phone into the passenger seat. You see, no way was I gonna get pulled over for speeding and acquire a second offense for texting while driving. I WOULD NEVER text while I drive {gulp!} and I certainly WAS NOT going to be accused of it because my cell phone was nearby in my lap and blowing up with incoming messages.

I am fully aware that all animals at the zoo are caged and that the caging process is carried out by professionals and those cages/habitats/exhibits/surroundings have been tested and proven to keep the animals caged and safe to the viewing public. Knowing that, I DID NOT nearly shed my outer skin as if I wear a snake jump out of skin, literally, and utter a 4-letter expletive when Daddy Buck prodded me in my side and exclaimed, "sssss, snake got lose!" while we were at the zoo yesterday.


Daddy Buck and I DID NOT make a combined total of (3) trips to the neighborhood supermarket, that lies approximately 1-minute driving distance as a crow flies from our house, for miscellaneous odds&ends today. That would be downright inefficient and unorganized; neither of which are adjectives that I would use to describe the two of us.

And finally,

Say it isn't so...it CAN NOT be for real that Buck-a-roo has spiked a fever and his nose is running nasty, thick, greenish snot draining mucous, seeing as both boys are scheduled to have their ENT surgeries, for the second attempt, on Thursday.

Now, join in the fun by linking up via MckMama @ My Charming Kids.

"Not Me!" Monday

This week's "Not Me!" Monday post is jam-packed with picture-accompaniment, so let's get right to it...

I WAS NOT the gleeful, surprised recipient of yet another dozen (make that, double dozen) roses from my husband earlier this week.

This IS NOT my kitchen floor last Thursday evening following outdoor playtime, snacktime, and dinnertime on the very same day that my housekeeper had swept, vacuumed, and mopped the floors just a mere 8 hours earlier.








That being said, I AM NOT the only obsessive, compulsive, neat, clean house freak, female species in my home amongst three rambunctious, nonchalant, forgetful, grind your feet in the mud and then tromps through the house, male species. To that end, I DID NOT decide that it was time for my 2 and 3 year old boys to learn how to help in the cleaning of the house as evidenced by the pictures below.










I DO NOT feel a little guilty, as if I have been playing favorites on this blog because Frank-o has been the recipient of many recent postings, especially those containing pictures. Buck-a-roo is going through that phase in life where every picture he takes, he insists on posing in a silly, cheesy, orchestrated manner and Frank-o is just so darn innocent, mischievous, and carefree that it makes for great photography.

Frank-o DID NOT bring me this glob of diarrhea-colored Play-doh Play-doh creation on Saturday and joyfully exclaimed, "Look, Mommy, it's you...I made you!"

It WAS NOT a bittersweet moment for me, when my MIL took Buck-a-roo to the movies on Saturday for his first time ever to a movie theatre. I DID NOT tear up at the fact that it was the first 'first' that I was not partaking in with one of my boys. And, I DID NOT insist upon snapping a terribly uncentered, poor angled, out of focus picture as I drove off.

As Frank-o and I dined at Chick-fil-A on Saturday with some friends, this

WAS NOT sitting at the table just across the way from us steady munching a an 8pc nugget with a fruit bowl for the side item.









Happy Monday!



Join in on the fun at MckMama's blog...

"Not Me!" Monday

• I DID NOT fight back tears and beg Daddy Buck to allow me to withdraw and leave with my tail between my legs when he and I went to the pistol range this week.

• I DID NOT have exponentially way too much fun on date night, if you know what I mean {sshhh!}!!

• I DID NOT finally decide it was time for Frank-o to begin wearing underwear and become more diligent at potty-training on Saturday morning and Frank-o DID NOT wear the underwear for exactly 2 minutes and 20 seconds before he pee-ed in them amidst standing in the middle of his carpeted bedroom dead center of his Tonka trucks play area rug.

head on over to MckMama's blog to join in all the brutally honest fun!!

"Not Me!" Monday

**BTW: what in "samtarnation" is up with the spacing on this post...I corrected it 15+ times and still is NOT right!!

My "Not Me!" Monday list for this week is extra lengthy for some reason, I'm not really sure why that is and if that's a good thing or a not-so-good thing, so without further ado:













:: I DO NOT secretly wish that every Saturday night and Sunday morning could be a "Hometown Honeymoon" for Daddy Buck and I. That would be selfish of me and I would miss my children tremendously if it were every weekend. The effects of the time alone would probably lose its appeal too.




:: Daddy Buck DID NOT finally , after a week of being MIA, find our favorite Wii CD, Wii Sports, in the DVD player right where Frank-o had put it. That kid, that kid...





:: I DID NOT spend my Friday night fetching floating poop from the bathtub because my eldest, yes I said, eldest son, Buck-a-roo pooped in the tub during bathtime. I might expect that from Frank-o, but not my Buck-a-roo...what's going on?




:: I DID NOT have more blemishes to develop on my face in the past week than my entire teenage years combined.




:: While standing wrapped in his towel following bathtime several nights ago, Frank-o DID NOT grab himself, Michael Jackson-style and exclaim, "Mommy, I got balls!"! And, I DID NOT seriously just proclaim that to the world on this here blog. But seriously, how on earth would he, a two-year old, know of such a saying? {mortified}









:: Below IS NOT a picture of Frank-o's efforts at cleaning up the toys in his room before bathtime:











:: And, I DO NOT have a new big, fancy, schmancy camera and am still using my cell phone to capture pictures in my home where the above said camera is available for use.









:: I DID NOT laugh hysterically when I saw this truck

driving down the street in front of me the other day. And, I DID NOT find the "CARS" reference to be so darn cute that I whipped out the cell phone to snap a picture of it.

Top that for a week's worth of brutal honesty, if you dare...
Head on over to MckMama's blog for much, much, much more brutal honesty...

"Not Me!" Monday

I DID NOT get overjoyed, even elated and feel a wee bit MckMama-ish last Monday when my "Not Me!" Monday post fetched a record 12 comments, 11 of which were from people that I do not personally know. Pumped, that's how I would describe it!!


Last Thursday evening, I brought my boys (and my neighbors' child; I had him all week in the evenings while his mother is out of town caring for her ill mother) to McDonalds for dinner and playtime. While there, I DID NOT request for the manager to come to the Playplace area and I DID NOT tell him that "this restaurant has more flies than fries!" No, seriously it did!! He didn't share in my humor and assured me they were doing all they could. Really?!?


I DID NOT walk into the bathroom not once, but twice this past week because Buck-a-roo called me saying, "Frank-o is taking a bath", to find Frank-o fully clothed, perched in the sink (this is not the first time Frank-o has been found clothed in the bathroom sink, remember this post), faucet ON, towel in hand, saying, "I take bath, Mudder!".





I DID NOT accuse my husband of giving me the cold shoulder on Saturday morning only to find out that it wasn't lack of attention at all; but, rather a secret overnight getaway for he and I that he had planned (more on that in a post all its own).

"Not Me!" Monday

"Not Me!" Monday took last Monday off for the holiday break....so this week, you are getting double the brutally honest happenings of our family from the past two weeks.

:: We DID NOT have at least three new toys that partially broke on Christmas day. Buck-a-roo and Frank-o handled it well.... a sure-fire sign that they were given too much stuff and the broken items quickly became shuffled in the mix of the overwhelming mound of new stuff.


:: I DID NOT allow us to run out of pull-ups on Christmas Eve, thus having to go my neighbors' house and borrow (well....actually take, never to be returned) 5 diapers to get us through Christmas Day. And, on the day-after-Christmas I DID NOT take my boys to Wal-mart amongst all the day-after-Christmas shoppers, my youngest wearing a swim diaper (YES, a swim diaper), to buy pull-ups and other insundary items.


:: While scurrying through Walmart with two uncooperative children like a chicken with my head partially chopped offshopping, my boys DID NOT proceed to cry/whine/beg for more toys on the day after receiving above mentioned "mound of new stuff". They ARE NOT spoiled rotten, you think??

:: On the Sunday following Christmas, our family traveled to Meridian, MS (7 hours round trip in one day) for our last family holiday gathering. Frank-o wet through his pull-up and onto his pants 1/2 way through the first leg of the trip. Out come the spare pants from the diaper bag. Two hours later when we arrived, Frank-o HAD NOT wet through his "nighttime" pull-up again and needed a spare pair of pants. I DID NOT re-dress him in the original "pee-ed in" pair of pants because they had dried and it was all I had. While eating lunch with family, guess what?? Wet pants again!! Potty-training--NOT going so well!! Re-dress in "already pee-ed in" pants #2 that are now semi-dry or return home looking like a true red-neck child wearing only a diaper? I DID NOT really allow my child to wear dried, "pee-ed in" clothing & a diaper without pants for an extended period of time!! Here's your sign.....


:: On the road again (wait, that's a song) today...as Buck-a-roo was waking from his nap, he was super-fussy and begins to tell me that he pee-ed on himself (does this story sound familiar--same circumstances, different child). Buck-a-roo NEVER wets himself. I DID NOT pull my car over to the shoulder of the two-laned highway in the middle of nowhere where we happened to be (I was traveling alone with the boys) and proceed to strip him naked, gave him clean boxer briefs, used his under t-shirt and sweatshirt to soak the pee from his carseat, re-buckled him in wearing nothing but his boxer briefs and continued on our merry way home.



Man alive do these past few weeks have a theme or what~~~gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now?

"Not Me!" Monday

While cleaning out the boys' toy boxes earlier in the week in preparation for the overabundance of toys they will soon receive, I DID NOT find two pacifiers under Buck-a-roo's bed that belonged to Frank-o when he used to take a pacifier over 6 months ago. Certainly I clean under the beds more frequently than once every six months.

I DID NOT freak out this week when I checked my BlogFrog of friends (right sidebar) and realized that MCKMama had visited my wee-little blog two times in twelve hours and then again the next day. WooHoo!!

Earlier in the week, I DID NOT catch myself cutting up sausage from the grill for myself into tiny, toddler-sized bites. It was still tasty, nevermind the fact that I had put three bites on my fork at once.

I AM NOT still one gift shy of completion for Christmas 2008 as of December 21. This is NOT like me people!!

This past weekend DID NOT consist of two work-related Christmas parties for Daddy Buck and I, two preschool Christmas parties for Buck-a-roo and Frank-o, one preschool Christmas program, a family Christmas get-together, and a neighborhood friends Christmas gift exchange with dinner -- Whoa! I'm tired! 'Tis the season!

"Not Me!" Monday

:: I, being entirely prepared and at peace with the idea of my children undergoing anesthesia for the betterment of their health, WAS NOT in the least bit relieved when Frank-o's ENT surgery was cancelled this week, thus, also leading to the cancellation of Buck-a-roo's ENT surgery also.

:: In my career, I see children in moderate to severe respiratory distress on a daily basis and ultimately have had a hand in saving several children's lives; therefore, when Frank-o was ill this week and experienced a touch of mild respiratory distress (which lead to the cancellation of above mentioned surgeries) , I DID NOT begin to freak out and email/text/IM every doctor-friend that I know to acquire advice. And, I most certainly tried to be as "rock solid" at home as I am at work and DID NOT almost load Frank-o into the car and head to the ER for the mild respiratory distress that I am most capable of handling and have all the tools/equipment/medication on hand to treat at home. What I'm saying...is that it's absolutely, hands-down NOT different when it's your own children.

:: I AM NOT about to admit that I did have a headache after leaving our holiday get-together with our extended family in the picture below:

:: Saturday night after my boys opened their Christmas gifts from their great-grandparents, I DID NOT threaten to contact Santa Claus himself and tell him to skip the Vaughn household this year if my children did not say "thank-you" and act grateful upon receiving gifts from people this year; because if it's the only thing I accomplish, I vow to raise appreciative children that comprehend the blessings that they are bestowed day in and day out. Am I asking too much of a 2 and 3 year old??

:: I AM NOT so sentimental and camera-ready that when I overheard from my bedroom tonight that Daddy Buck was reading to our boys, I DID NOT almost break my neck to run into the living room and snap this picture:

"Not Me!" Monday

I DID NOT take my boys to our downtown festival of lights on Friday night to go ice skating and upon arriving and seeing the incredibly long lines and realizing how difficult it was going to be for me to attempt to ice skate with two boys by myself and noting the poor creation of an ice rink that we were to attempt to be first-time ice skaters on, I DID NOT tell Buck-a-roo that you had to be (6) to enter the rink. I WOULD NEVER fabricate and pass off on to my child a lie in an effort to get my child off my back.


I DID NOT wake up feeling that my pajamas were damp this morning only to realize that in fact they weren't damp, they were soaked with urine. That could NEVER happen, a.) because my children WOULD NEVER sleep in the bed with me and b.) because my children certainly DO NOT drink enough milk just prior to bedtime that Frank-o would soak completely through a nighttime pull-up.


I AM NOT experiencing increased anxiety regarding my boys' upcoming surgeries on Thursday. For heaven sakes... I am a pediatric critical care nurse and should be able to control my nerves regarding medical procedures. I am completely prepared, I have prepared the boys age-appropriately, I have put in my requests for anethesia personnel that I know.....why on earth am I so nervous?? It COULD NOT possibly that it's because it's my children and everything is different when it's your own!!!

"Not Me!" Monday

"Not Me!" Monday seems to be all about MY (Princess) shortcomings this week; oh well, what the heck, here goes.....

In preparation for Thanksgiving dinner, I DID NOT make at least 4 treks to Wal-Mart/grocery store for miscellaneous items mostly in part because I DID NOT change the menu for Thanksgiving dinner at least 3 times, including once the morning of, and NOT once did I leave the store spending less than $75.00.

On Thanksgiving Day, I DID NOT run the dishwasher 5 times throughout the course of the day. And, that is following the fact that I DID NOT serve my family on paper plates fancy, brown and black, Turkey, and autumn leaves paper plates for Thanksgiving Dinner.

I DID NOT purchase, for Buck-a-roo and Frank-o, a harmonica and penny whistle because I thought they were cute and think it is important to foster enthusiasm for the arts in our children. I DID NOT, within ten minutes of them opening their loud, noisy, ear-piercing Thanksgiving "treats", make the rule that they were only to be blown/played/spitted in outdoors and far, far, far away from my aching head.

In my attempt to be a good wife on Saturday morning and make breakfast for my husband before he headed out the door to work, I DID NOT boil over not 1, not 2, but 3 bowls of oatmeal in the microwave because I was being a short order cook multi-tasking at the time and fixing breakfast for my boys too. Furthermore, I AM NOT known for overflowing/splattering/spilling/boiling over food in the microwave.

I, for one, AM NOT in the least bit relieved that LSU football is over for this season and we can begin to put this season behind us.

"Not Me!" Monday

*UPDATE:

I DID NOT, in an effort to be completely organized and prepared, all last week maintain a running grocery list of items needed to prepare Thanksgiving dinner and then forgot the list at home yesterday when I was grocery shopping. I, then, DID NOT phone home to Daddy Buck to read the list aloud to refresh my memory (though, might I say, I had done well already without the list) only to find that he WAS, most certainly, NOT napping with the boys and in too much of a dazed state upon answering the phone to actually read me anything that sounded remotely close to a grocery list.

I AM NOT so anxious/inpatient about the upcoming holidays that I christmas-tized my blog the week before Thanksgiving!!

*ORIGINAL POST:

On Monday while Daddy Buck and I enjoyed a day off of work together, we embarked on a friendly best of three bowling compeition where Daddy Buck won 2 games to 1 (only winning by a small margin of 4 pins in game 3) and he DID NOT exit the bowling alley through the double front doors announcing at the top of his lungs, "I'm the Champion of the World!!!" Really, you beat your amateur-at-best and "haven't bowled in 3+ years" wife at a best of 3 bowling match where you ulitimately had luck on your side..."Champion of the World" seems a little much.



I HAVE NOT acquired Daddy Buck's negotiating skills so much that while we were in New Orleans on Tuesday, I negotiated with a street vendor to purchase a fleur-de-lis wooden painting and was able to get him to come down from his original price by 55%.

*cell phone pic w/ poor lighting doesn't do it justice :(

Daddy Buck and I DID NOT forget to bring the dogs indoors one night this week only to wake the next morning to find the 1st frost of the year on the ground and that the temperatures had plummeted to 33 degrees during the night. We are excellent pet caretakers and would NEVER do anything of this sort.